more thoughts

I don't really know where to start. Or really what to say. I know that's hard to believe. I guess i'll start off by saying that God is just so amazing. He's teaching me so much right now. I'm really learning what it means to see people as Jesus would. I've been fortunate enough to be able to go downtown at night to hand out blankets and sweatshirts to homeless people, and really be able to see what they're going through. Granted we don't see that many of them, but it's good to be exposed. Something cool that happened last night and was a revelation to me even as i said it was that, it's not really about the blanket at all; it's about their souls. So often when we do "outreaches" we, myself included, get so caught up in getting to the next person or handing out the next pack of gum or bottle of water that we lose the real meaning for why we do what we do: to get an oppertunity to reach out to these people and show them the love of christ. The blanket meets a physical need, but what we can give them, the message of salvation, meets a spiritual, eternal need. Like i said, revelation for me.

Also, God is speaking to me more now than ever before. I'm learning to read His word with a fresh passion and understanding that i've never had before. It's like words are beginning to jump off the page at me and scream, "look at me, this is what i mean!" Something else that's cool is that i finally understand that God created me analytical for a reason. Mike Haymen spoke two saturday's ago on doing something heroic for Christ. In the course of his message he said something to the affects that God created him competitive for a reason and that God knows how he thinks. And then after the service Reggie told me something to the affect that God knows how I think; he created me that way for a reason. It's really refreshing because before i had always judged myself as being overanalytical to the point of annoying, which can still be the case, but God is now showing me that i was created that way for a reason. I believe some of that reason is how i read His word. I'm such a word person. When i read, individual words that normally wouldn't stick out to other people stick out to me: i.e. whetehr it's a verb, noun, or adjective; connotation, etc. God knows me. :)

I've also been taking LeadershipExcell; it's been super helpful. It's been affirmation and confirmation more than anything though. Each week the class has reflected what God has been showing me. It's been really challenging.

And finally, I just feel like God is beginning to break me. Break me of mySelf. I know that may sound contradictory because i'm saying it about myself, but it's true. God is showing me how big he is and how small i am. He's showing me it's not about me at all, it's not about what i can do, or my gifts, or anything; it's about Him and being obedient to Him. It's about them. Nothing else matters. I don't want anymore distractions. so many time i allow the devil to distract me after God makes a breakthrough in me, whether it be a game or a sport or a relationship, but now more. I'm pressing on to what He's calling me to. I'm leaving everything behind. NO more compromise or backsliding. No more halfhearted attempts. I don't want to settle for the mundane or the statis quo. I don't want to be casual in my walk any longer. As the Warrior's Creed says it, "my face is set. my gait is fast." I want his creed to be mine. I don't want to be just another facebook Christian that never gets out of the boat. I want my life to have more meaning than that. I want to leave a legacy. A legacy of love, surrender, and obedience.

I really can't put into words what's in my heart right now. At least not without using a ton of words which you probably don't want to read.

I can't wait for Elevate. Last Tuesday i got to sit in on a class and it was phenominal. I can't wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!