I never really know how to start a post...so i guess as normal...i'll just "dive right into it" as i've seemed to have coined rather often...but before i start i have one question, how come sometimes i can hit the enter button to start another paragraph but when i try other times it goes down to publish or whatever...? just a question...so yeah all ideas will be seperated by elipsies or however you spell it...ok so here we go...i'll start off by saying that i read tori's blog today and was totally blown away...everything she said, including what Jamie and Amy Philips both said about sometimes not feeling it or whatever...well i'll go on ahead and give you a peek inside my head...Why is it that sometimes you feel so on fire for God it's addictive, but others you can't feel Him anywhere...you try to pray but your prayers come out hollow...you try to listen, but if seems useless...? Well these where questions that I was dealing with last night as i tried to have my quite time...everything i prayed came out hollow, devoid of emotion...It felt like i was just going through the motions...I just couldn't, im my limited view, couldn't get into His presence, but i didn't want to give up...I don't really know where the transition took place, but as i found myself thinking of a life without His presence I began to weep...i thought of the hollow feeling i had now and then thought of life and eternity this way; it was more than i could bare...i began to think of how my heart and actions were keeping me from God's presence, and i began to lose control of my emotions...i don't want to live a life for myself anylonger...I don't want anything to take precidence over my Lord...all of the activities that i was pursuing where pointless...all the stress i had created by procrastinating on my homework was pointless...life without His presence is utterly pointless...I never want to feel that way again...I think last night was really a turning point for me in my walk with Christ...that feeling i had, reallly made me evaluate what was important, and anythingthat doesn't lead my closer to christ is insignificant, utterly pointless...I just don't care anymore for myself...i don't want my life to be about me; i am insignificant, it is only Christ inside of me that matters...I have come to the point where i am completely willing to give up anything and everything to follow Him...His will is my one true desire...nothing else matters...what's also really cool about last night, was that like tori, i flipped open to Psalms 46:10 "be still and know that I'm God", how cool is that...with that being said, i would like to add some more of what's goingon in my life, but this thought will run together with my last because i can't skip lines for some reason...anyway here we go.................there that'll do........It seems that everytime I really make a break through, the devil throws another thing at me...this time it's anger...I've never really had a problem before with it except on rare occasions on the court, but now, it's a regular emotion for me to experience during practice of all things...and unfortuantelly i'm not talking about just being a little mad, i wouldn't go as for as rage, but it's not too too far off...i'll mess up once or twice and then it's over...i just lose it...the other day i ended up counting otlike 150 trying to refocus and get myself under control...I hate being angry, but then again sometimes i like it...at least at the time...but mostly i hate it...i hate that it compromises my witness, i hate that i lose control of myself, but mostly i hate that my actions are an outward expression of my heart...i don't want anger to dwell in my heart...i want only christ to live there...so yeah, i've talked to tweeze about it and set up accountability, so hopefully with much prayer and accountability we'll be able to deal with it...so yeah that's what has been going on in my life recently... : ) in christ, jordan